


boy crush

by Anonymous



Category: NCT
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crushes, Cute, JaeYong - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining, idk man, jaejohn if you kno how to read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-29 09:58:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16261865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: jung jaehyun and his stupid, stupid boy crush.





	boy crush

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yerimvevo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yerimvevo/gifts).



> hella fucking plot for no reason bros the prompt was this:
> 
> character A wakes character B up at 4 in the morning because they want a buddy to eat cereal with. when character B questions their little breakfast date, character A up and answers: “I just wanted a reason to be with you, is all.”
> 
> happy birthday lilly! i lov you

 

“jaehyun-ah, does this look good?”

is this a date? this feels like a date.

“aw, look jaehyun, there’s a puppy! I wish I could pet it…”

this must be a date, it feels like one.

“oh my god, this is so good—jaehyun-ah, taste it!”

but it’s _not_ a date.

it’s definitely not.

and it _can’t_ be a date either—because, last time jaehyun checked, _taeyong_ was dating _seulgi._

 _kang seulgi_ : the dancing, singing, actress beauty that majors in art, that’s been in commercials and recently got signed with a big company, that has lee taeyong’s heart and more.

and maybe he’s wrong—but it’s known all over the campus, even if it’s not said. taeyong and seulgi were the power couple of sooman l. uni, and nothing could change it.

even jaehyun’s undying love and attraction of 2 years to said lee taeyong—even _that_ couldn't change everyone and even his own opinion of seulgi and taeyong.

they just… _fit._

and even though jaehyun thinks he and taeyong would fit _better_ —even though he thinks taeyong’s delicate, little fingers would do better intertwined with his own, and even though he thinks taeyong’s body could curl up beside his, that taeyong could _cling_ so close that they meshed, because they could fit _snug_ like puzzle pieces and make a masterpiece—even though taeyong’s waist was small enough to loop his arms around, and his lips looked soft enough to soften his own, and his smile could brighten jaehyun’s day in a flash, and jaehyun’s hands were a perfect fit for taeyong’s ass and hips and thighs—despite _everything, popular_ opinion majorly swayed in the direction of _popular_ girl; and _popular_ boy.

well…at least they’re _friends_. they’ve been friends since first year and—and they’re in the same frat house too. taeyong loves inviting him out as well—they’ve seen dozens of movies together, gone to maybe a billion different malls, and sometimes they just chill in either of their rooms; _together_ , producing music or studying, doesn’t really matter.

they’re _close_ , that should be good enough for him; right?

taeyong’s straight, though jaehyun wishes he were bisexual too…being this close should suffice.

“jaehyun-ah?”

he snaps out of his thoughts, regaining his senses slowly despite his reawakened awareness, and looks around a couple times before realizing _he was holding taeyong’s entire arm_ and that he had pulled taeyong so close his _hair_ (stupidly cotton candy pink and soft, _so soft_ ) was tickling his face.

he immediately lets go, ears going red in a matter of seconds before he dusts his hands off on his jeans and diverts his gaze from taeyong; to the haagen-dazs stall right in front of them.

jaehyun gives an awkward little laugh, “how about some ice cream?”

taeyong tiptoes forward a little, then balances on the heels of his feet, “we…just had frozen yogurt?” he says, biting the inside of his cheek.

the taller boy laughs, aggressively carding a hand through his hair, “y-yea but, that's definitely not belgian chocolate now is it?”

taeyong purses his lips—“jaehyun are you okay?”

“oh look, there’s the line!”

before taeyong can question him again, he speedily shuffles forward, hands in his pockets.

he fits his way in and shakes his leg anxiously—did he really just do that? 

did he _really_ pull taeyong that close—out of instinct? who _does_ that!? oh, god, he wants to catapult himself into outer space right about now. he could really use some decadent haagen-dazs.

by the time he finds his way into the line, pulling out twenty bucks and his wallet, he’s already being dragged back by taeyong.

fuck.

 _“hyung,”_ he starts, fiddling with the bill, “there’s really nothing wrong!” and he means it, because he’s gonna pretend like none of that happened; like he doesn’t have a huge, _flaming hot crush_ on his pretty, pretty hyung. 

…he should’ve just gone to yoga with seo.

taeyong huffs, pouting a little—and jaehyun’s heart does a little flop in his chest, because the love of his life looks so beautiful today, and he can’t even do what he wants to do—like, hell yeah he’d like to leave some hickies, make it known that _that’s his._ but he _can’t._

because taeyong’s just not.

“okay, _okay._ ” he mumbles out, scuffing the toe of his sneakers against the floor—“uh, I…I just..I’ve been worrying about, uh..” _quick jaehyun, think! think!_  


“you.”

_fuck._

_FUCK._

_FUCK!_  


“me..?” taeyong flusters immediately, face turning pink like his fluffy hair, inky roots now showing—“f-for what? I’ve been good lately.”

good lately? pfft, he’s been _terrific_.

hell, they’d walked the mall for three hours because taeyong was _good lately_. not that jaehyun didn’t enjoy it, but that’s not the point.

“I-I…” he stutters, “I know b-but, uh, you’re my favourite hyung and I _always_ think of you, y-you know, ‘cause I love you...”

THIS IS NOT HELPING!

taeyong goes a shade redder.

“oh…” he sounds, gently, “y-you too then..”

jaehyun looks to the mall’s super high ceiling, avoiding any kind of eye contact.

_“yeah.”_

they end up walking in silence for a while.

then he _really_ thinks he should’ve went with youngho instead—because then none of this horrible, nightmare-worthy stuff would’ve happened!

it’s so awkward…

but then that same puppy from before scrambles over to them and pounces on taeyong, and everything’s back to normal.

normal, as in lovesick-jaehyun’s obvious lovesickness being put in the past for the time being, and his admiration staying hidden rather than out loud.

(but, sweet lord, if you’d heard the giggles taeyong let out when that lil puppy kissed him, you’d be in love too.)

then they’re back to roaming the mall again—stopping in sweet shops and bath & body works and—taeyong ends up buying a bunch of stuff from a bunch of different stores, basically empties his wallet, and doesn’t stop until he’s exhausted.

somehow _jaehyun_ ends up carrying it all back home.  


thank god the walk back is only ten minutes though.

he stumbles out of his shoes at the front and speeds towards the elder’s room before nudging the door open with his head. he glances over everything in the room, just to see if anything had changed, and he sees nothing new—except the picture of yong’s cat and his _girlfriend_ is kinda crooked.

other than that, the walls are still white and covered in posters, the rug is still fluffy and blue like his favourite body pillow; his sheets are still hello kitty and friends, his computer is still super high-tech, and he still has a mass of folded clothes atop the mobile wardrobe he never closes.

jaehyun groans and drops a bag—seemingly from lush—then proceeds to drop another, his biceps screaming in agony as each second passed. 

what the fuck did taeyong even buy? this shit is like, ten times his weight!

“jesus yonggie, this is a lot.” he calls out, now letting them down on the elder’s room floor _gently_. “kinda hurt to carry it all!”

his response is a laugh.

soon his question is answered, as he spots a variety of sweaters and cutesy shirts. he coos—taeyong and his cute oversized tops, as always, then the sweater paws they give him, as always…he’s so freaking cute _it hurts._

he feels a smile form on his lips. 

a greasy, super-in-love, dopey one—where his dimples show like crazy, and make him look like a stupid, young highschooler again.

“sorryyy jae~” taeyong singsongs from the hallway, “ _but_ , to return the favour,” jaehyun shakes the stupid smile right off his face to save himself the embarrassment, then looks towards the door and searches for the owner of the voice but—unfortunately, the smile comes right back.

taeyong appears in the doorway, swaying on his feet, holding two bottles of beer; “cheers!”

jaehyun chuckles and finishes putting the bags down, yong always does this when they don’t get to hang out a lot, tries to make it as enjoyable as it can be…and it always is—he reaches out a hand to accept the bottle, yong’s hands look a bit too small to be holding them both (a bit too small as in they are _straining_ ) but before he gets it, taeyong pulls it back and quickly pops the cap off with his teeth.

jae’s eyes widen a bit comically, and he cocks his head to the side. he doesn’t know if he’s startled or amazed, really.

“what was _that?_ ” he asks, voice full of surprise as he takes the bottle before taking a swig.

taeyong giggles, shrugs cutely, “this is my second.” he offers, though it only explains vaguely.

jaehyun only flops onto his ass, stumped.

taeyong drinking? sounds like a weird dream.

“whatever.” he laughs out, “what is half of this anyways?” he takes another sip, casual, relaxed; feeling at home. yong laughs, and its then jaehyun notices the hue of his cheeks. how cute..

“it’s clothes. I saw the stuff I had was fading, so I’d been saving up to buy more. I also got some beauty thingies, for baths and stuff like that.”

jaehyun hums in acknowledgement and drinks, propping one of his legs up comfortably as he rest his back against the elder’s bedframe. 

when taeyong gets in his bed, he shifts lazily and gives the older boy space to be comfortable without making contact with him—and yet yong fits his thin legs to sit on each side of his head, resting a hand in his hair; and brings him a little closer, though they’re not at the same level.

jaehyun feels his heart flutter.

after that, they just sit in comfortable silence, yong playing with his hair as they both downed their drinks; slowly but surely losing bit by bit of stress to it.

jaehyun really lives for moments like this…

“you know what?” taeyong suddenly says, sounding sleepy and tipsy all at once.

jaehyun finds it adorable.

“what?” he responds, looking up through his fringe, eyes narrowed to escape light, adam’s apple protruding heavily as he craned his neck to see—

“you’re m-my favourite too.” he slurs, “and I love you.”  
.  
.  
.  
jaehyun thinks about that for days.  


///

taeyong is… _so lovable._

it’s kinda, really, very hard _not_ to love him.

he’s just so nice and thoughtful! and he’s a great friend…

but jaehyun has dreams that they’re more than that— _way more than friends,_ and every time yong looks at him during lessons; he can’t look him in the eye.

maybe he should confess.

(and every time he thinks about it, tipsy-taeyong’s words plague his brain and make him blush.)

///

seeing seulgi and taeyong together on campus is like a stab to the heart.

they locks arms and giggle to each other, talking, then seulgi animatedly says something and taeyong nods fervently in agreement—both of them smile widely, laughing and excitedly speaking—they must have a great relationship, they communicate so well…

 _ugh…_ they have so much in common. even if jaehyun did manage to get taeyong, would they even talk on a regular basis?

he should just drill it into his brain already, taeyong and seulgi are the most _perfect_ couple ever.

like, him and seulgi love art and dance, they’re both popular; share love for animals and love kids—and, one time, the entire campus was in _awe_ of their relationship when a girl overheard them discussing politics, and neither even got mad when disagreement was shown...that’s fucking crazy!

on the other hand, jaehyun was damn sure the only thing he had in common with his pretty hyung was the classes they shared, their frat house, and a brand of soju.

 _god_ , did taeyong love that brand—but that’s not the point!

sure they’d had conversations about politics and such, but it was for presentation and debate practice—and sure they could have animated talks and agree on many things, but they still contrasted each other on crazy amounts of levels.

quite frankly, jaehyun was your typical “wolf in sheep’s clothing” kind of college student—the one that’s smart and doesn’t really miss class yet somehow attends every party and is pretty well known for throwing his shirt at people when he’s drunk—and taeyong is the flower boy, bookworm, night owl that everyone loves, that only goes to the mild parties and likes to stay in and drink cocoa while reading old poetry…

they’re not even compatible…not at all.

jaehyun suddenly feels like his crush is even more pathetic.

…he should just move on already.

it’ll never work.

(and yet, somehow, even as he thinks that, as he tells himself to find someone else to focus his affection on and get over this; he thinks, _there’s no one else like taeyong._ )

he sighs. 

“were you…were you listening?”

jaehyun tears his eyes away from the couple, taps his fingers against the table he’s sitting at a few times and lets his thoughts float off—he’s been spacing out a lot recently, maybe he needs more sleep?

“sorry…I got distracted.” he mumbles out, grabbing his coffee and frowning once he realizes it’d gotten cold. he still takes a sip.

“o-oh, it’s okay.” 

jaehyun hums, then sets the cup down. his frown deepens.

there’s so many people at this college, he could easily find someone…right? maybe there’s someone like him out there somewhere…maybe he could find a new taeyong?

“yoonoh, are you okay?”

he gently looks up from the table and gives a little smile to replace his once unchanging frown—

now how should he answer this?

he could say he was fine again, even though he was _not_ , or he could admit he was struggling and having the _worst_ inner turmoil ever; but that’d be shitty of him, especially since he’d accepted youngho’s offer of coffee then proceeded to ignore him—not to mention he turned down that yoga thing—all in favor of his stupid, _stupid_ boy crush.

making the conversation about him would just make him look even _shittier._

“I’m good seo, don’t worry.” he says, smile now reaching his eyes, “now, what was it you were you saying?”

youngho flashes a charming little smile (seems he accepted that half-assed apology, he’s so naive sometimes; it’s pretty cute) and tucks his inky black hair behind his ear before grabbing up his drink; both hands wrapped around the pale paper-like cup: holding his favourite strong, sweet smelling cocoa…

..just like yong…

hm…

jaehyun watches youngho speak, catching on to a couple sentences about the house and something another about a trip to the library after classes, then he starts going on about a book he’d read—and he realizes then, that he’d had youngho this entire time.

because, if there was anybody that could replace taeyong…jaehyun was sure it’d be seo.

well, not to be _objectifying_ and such, but…

him and taeyong are basically the _same person_ —attractive, smart, wise. they both love the simple things, even a ladybug would make them smile—and they both do this thing, where they cover their mouths as they laugh, or they gush about art or a book—they wear sweaters and rarely dress fancily, but when they do it’s breathtaking and—and if it wasn’t obvious; the hot cocoa!

but…taeyong..pretty hyung…

jaehyun bites his lip a bit.

youngho is pretty too—not that it really matters—but his features can be sharp and intimidating, soft when his hair is down; and the rosiness that sometimes washes over his cheeks endearing. his figure is nice, tall and lean, and he dresses in a way that accentuates it. _like yong,_ just taller.

but then there’s the smaller things…like the way taeyong will laugh at his stupid jokes, or ask him about his day, the way he puts those loose strands of hair behind his ear and huddles close when the wind blows too hard—his eyes go wide when he’s confused, he purses his lips when he’s suspicious of something, he flails when he’s ranting and he almost always has sweater paws and he doesn’t care about the frat boy image, he dresses sweetly and to his own style and…

youngho does those things too. 

and it’s not like he’s just being a dickwad and picking some random kid to warm his bed—both taeyong and youngho are in the same frat house; both youngho and taeyong have been his friends for three years, he knows both of them. so it’s not like this is a bad thing.

maybe instead of focusing on taeyong _(his unrequited love of two fucking years!)_ he should focus on making himself happy.

yeah…sounds like a plan.

“sh—shit!”

jaehyun jolts, snaps back to their conversation and tries to pick at certain things he heard—he thinks they’re throwing a party saturday night, and maybe youngho invited him for coffee again—

“what’s wrong?” he asks, shooting up and sliding out of his seat when he sees the other standing. youngho only gives a flustered sound and frantically wipes up spilled cocoa, eyes flickering from the steaming puddle to his watch maybe a thousand times.

“you know mr.l? I’m seven minutes late to his class, a-and he like, hates me and I’m so sure I’ll fail—o-ouch.” he hisses and whimpers a little curse when the spill hits both his trench and his thigh, and his cheeks are turning red and—jaehyun grabs his wrist and stops him.

“I’ll clean this, you get going. see you later—maybe for lunch?”

youngho’s ears begin to redden, his expression changing. 

jaehyun gives him a mal-timed once over, sees his cute turtleneck sweater (cute because it’s embellished with a cat) tucked into his favourite pinstriped slacks, and a thin chain hooked to his pocket. from head to toe he’s wearing black and white, even wearing those overrated original adidas, yet his trench is the usual beige—he looks good today, yong’s hoodies and jeans kind of pale in comparison to this. 

youngho’s ruddy face darkens.

“y-yoonoh I—“

he pulls youngho away from the table, glancing back at the spill lazily—thank god they’re sitting outside, the wind blows a bit of the cocoa onto the ground and, y’know, less work for him. “see you later, seo!” he singsongs, now pushing the taller boy towards the main campus building. 

youngho blinks back at him guiltily, then finally accepts defeat, and begins to jog away; calling out a meek “thank you!” before he ran off completely.

mr. l could really be a pain in the ass sometimes, he knows—especially to the frat kids.

jaehyun sighs a strangled yet content sigh.

step one to getting over taeyong, maybe a success?

///

wrong. jaehyun was _so wrong._

because of the _seven minutes late_ ordeal, youngho rain-checked on lunch and spent his time studying and blah blah—and today they’re supposed to go out for lunch or dinner or whatever to make up for it, but youngho had something to do first and, instead of setting a time or place while he’s away he’s just _here_.

step one, a success? what a joke!

he finds himself hanging out with, pining over and all but shooting hearts at taeyong the _very next day._

he sighs.

he’s in taeyong’s room and everything.

in fact, he’s on taeyong’s _bed_ and everything.

this is…ugh.

maybe him and youngho should go for pasta or something? he’s starving.

he heaves another sigh.

“oh _come on_ jaehyun! it’s just a little 40 second clip—I really need it!” taeyong whines, shaking him by his shoulders.

“nah, I pass.” he mumbles out, slumping over onto the smaller boy’s fluffy body pillow.

taeyong had been begging him to sing on his music project for at least twenty minutes now, and even though jaehyun felt his heart skip a beat whenever his pretty hyung so much as looked at him; his brain was still under attack, all but plagued by the issue of being in love with a boy in a relationship.

taeyong grumbles, _”pleeeeeease?”_

“no.”

“please, please, _please_?!”

“no.”

“fine. move over, I’m tired.”

jaehyun chuckles, “I’ll pass on that too.” 

taeyong makes a disgruntled sound and stands up, “I’m gonna count to five.”, then proceeds to trip over the cord to his pc and curse it out—and it’s pretty cute—then goes on to check if he closed out any of his programs, and ends up yawning, kinda like a kitten—which is even cuter—and then, much to jaehyun’s surprise, the blossom haired boy clambers onto his _twin sized_ mattress, collapses on jaehyun, and settles; right into his arms.

oh.

oh yeah.

if jaehyun doesn’t pop a boner, he’s gonna burst a blood vessel and _die_ first.

“oof,” he croaks out, lying right through his teeth, “you’re like _right_ on my bladder, ease up or I’m gonna burst.” 

taeyong lets out a childish giggle and merely snuggles deeper, laying his face against the younger’s chest and kicking his legs simultaneously.

jaehyun feels his heart slap against his ribcage and—forget his dick, now he’s worried he might kick the bucket .

he manages to make the most authentic, least comfortable sounding sound _ever_ , and taeyong eventually rolls off of him; squishing himself between jaehyun and the wall—however, his hand is on the younger’s arm, holding him hostage.

“go pee—and close the door when you leave! also, knock before coming back in, I might fall asleep.” he lets go, then cuddles his pillow—“now go.”

 _freedom_.

as soon as he’s free, jaehyun jumps off the bed and makes a beeline towards the door, holding his zipper rather than his dick—just for the illusion, the authenticity— then exits, politely closing the door behind him.

mission _escape from accidentally violating sleepy taeyong because my dick got a little hard when he laid on me_ ; accomplished.

he does a tiny celebratory dance, then makes his way down the hall, heading for his own room.  
when he expects no obstacles on his way, just smooth sailing till he’s settled in his bed, studying—he ends up facing one anyways.

and it’s youngho.

_crying._

he feels something shift in his chest.

 

 _”youngho?”_ he calls out, softly, because the gentle giant looks a little dazed and—he jumps, then rushes to wipe away the tears he’d barely been letting fall in the first place. jaehyun sighs.

he hopes this is a problem he could solve—but at the same time, it’s not often youngho cries.

“youngho?” he calls again, now approaching the taller boy.

the closer jaehyun gets, the faster he works to make himself look presentable—he almost _aggressively_ dabs at his cheeks each time a tear begins to fall, and even though he tries to hide his face, jaehyun can still see the redness of his nose and the telltale puffiness of his eyes. his overgrown hair falls into his face, and he sniffles.

ah…he’s pretty even when he cries.

“oh, h-hey jung. what’s up?” he finally replies, peeking through his fringe.

jaehyun only frowns. he doesn’t like seeing people close to him cry. “what happened?”

brows jump, a slight frown forms and—did he really think that was convincing? …how cute.

 _“n-nothing!”_ he squeaks, “w-what do you mean?”

jaehyun notices him glance towards the bedroom doors, remembers that the other boys can be pretty nosy when they’re not being dumb—once, he said he lost his shirt at a party and puked on a popular girl in the hallway, and they snitched!—and thinks quick.

the date— _date?_

well…this isn’t yong so..

yeah… _a date._

he cards a hand through his hair—and now that he thinks about it, his hair is long now, roots showing too. it doesn’t look that bad though, so maybe this could be a real date? he wants it to be, he thinks it’d be best—and he’s wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, that’s good enough, right?

youngho himself isn’t quite dressed up today, in fact his outfit is just a sweater (one that all but swallows his lean frame whole) and thin pants, and his hair is free of any product…

a lazy little date.

with youngho—beautiful, smart youngho.

not taeyong…perfect, perfect taeyong.

“if...if you’d like, we can talk about it over lu—“ he quickly glances outside and sees it’s dark—“dinner?”

youngho seemingly bites his inner cheek, face reddening quite visibly as he pushed his hair back—he’s contemplating, whether he should go or not, balancing on the sides of his feet cutely and, _god_ he looks cute today—so jaehyun goes for his room, dips in for a moment to grab a jacket, then heads for the front. 

he knows how seo can be, if you start moving, he’ll move too.

“w-wait, right now?” youngho asks, skittering on over to jaehyun, who only slipped his feet into his shoes, not once slowing down. “yeah, right now. or do you wanna chill in my room and talk?”

he looks back, analytic.

youngho’s entire face turns red.

“n-no, I-I—dinner sounds n-nice.”

jaehyun nods, then throws the jacket over youngho’s shoulders despite the giant sweater he wore.

“good. let’s get going.”

///

walking into the restaurant is a bit awkward, people are staring from all over the room and—jaehyun thought denny’s was _family friendly_ god damnit.

the small line at the host station clears up after about seventeen minutes, and jaehyun finally gets to the front and—seulgi’s best friend works here? cool, discounts.

“hey.” he starts off, “joohyun, right?”

she glances up for a mere second, then her eyes go wide as she looked down at the keyboard, and she looks up again. 

“yoonoh!?”

he makes a face, confused as to why she looked like she’d seen a ghost, and shoves a hand in his pocket. “yeah! I’m yoonoh!” he replies, teasingly mocking.

however, she doesn’t laugh. 

“uhm…okay. just us two, any booths?” he asks.

she stares.

“I take there are none?”

“what did—how m—t-two!?”

he cocks a brow, _”yes?_ any booths?”

“you’re not, not waiting for anyone?” she asks, voice quiet. she looks back at youngho thrice, then asks again.

“..no. why?”

this is getting really confusing.

“nothing!” she squeaks, now leaving the station, “right this way!”

he looks right over her head, absolutely puzzled. 

are there assassins eating here or something? was there a red dot pointed at him, or whatever?

she guides them to a small secluded booth, by a big window showcasing the fucking parking lot and—“h-here’s your menus, any drinks?”

“sprite?” jaehyun offers, and youngho shrugs. 

“sprite it is then.”

she nods, super slowly, “I’ll be back soon…” then rushes away, hand reaching into her apron pocket.

…

huh.

what was that all about.

he shrugs to himself, then maneuvers youngho until he’s in front of the booth. like a true gentleman he offers youngho the first seat, and when youngho is shyly settled in the corner, he takes the opposite side; smiling so hard his dimple shows.

youngho fidgets, playing with the zipper on jaehyun’s jacket—like he’d done on the ride here, sitting quietly in the passenger’s seat—and never even attempts to speak.

jaehyun thought maybe youngho would’ve cracked in the car, told him what the problem was then and there so he could help—but maybe he was looking forward to their little date too..?

not the point! the point is, he thought youngho would’ve told him by now, and yet his lips are still sealed.

“seo,” he starts quietly, gentle with how he speaks, “think you’re feeling better to talk?”

he watches youngho for an answer, and the nod he gets make him grin—cute, so cute…

like yong.

that’s…that’s not the point. _jesus_ jung yoonoh, get a hold of yourself!

“alright, alright. tell me after you order, okay? just in case you need more time.”

youngho nods again, and jae takes it as an OK to focus on the menu.

maybe he should order steak?

“but, uhm,” seo suddenly murmurs, making jaehyun snap his head up in surprise; “p-promise you won’t laugh when I tell you.”

jaehyun gives a determined nod, “I _swear_ I won’t.”

.  
.  
.

joohyun eventually makes her way around to their booth, takes their orders, then (just as skittishly as before) leaves.

(jaehyun decided to order youngho one of those huge margaritas too, maybe that’s why she’s acting like that—he _is_ quite the lightweight, though he’s not sure how he acted after getting drunk.)

but still, he doesn’t even spare the cold glass a look. instead he focuses on seo, still messing around with the jacket.

they sit in silence, slightly overbearing because jaehyun’s literally just _staring_ at him and he’s being all shy and—pretty sure people are staring at them still—

nevertheless, jae continues to stare.

“youngho.” he calls, eyes never leaving the elder’s direction.

youngho’s face turns rosy.

a moment passes, he stares and stares and—

“okay fine.” youngho croaks out, hiding his face a bit. 

“mr. l keeps…I-I dunno, teasing me..?” he mumbles, unsure.

however, he doesn’t get any response.

he glances up, and notices that jaehyun still looks expectant and—“ I mean l-like,” he huffs, “he jokes about failing me and stuff, and he keeps saying you’re like…” _dating_ ” me and taeyong at the same time a-and? I really don’t like it, because I try my best to do his stupid assignments and to study his stupid lessons, and he kinda just jokes about failing me and because I’m, I’m gay and stuff!? this isn’t high school old man, get your shit together..”

he lets his voice trail off, becoming quiet very quickly.

jaehyun cocks a brow.

“uh-huh?” he enunciates, still as expectant as before. however, he _is_ relieved to know the reason behind those tears wasn’t as tremendous as he’d anticipated—quite frankly, if they were, he’d be much less calm. he almost thought he’d have to fight someone…

youngho seems to shy away, unable to answer the vague, questioning sound.

“what made you get to, to… _that_ , though?” jae finally asks, flailing animatedly. 

youngho reddens.

“h-he’s been doing it for weeks! and, well…jokes about l-love can be funny, but turning it into something just to mock sexuality isn’t...” he mumbles, suddenly hiding his face again.

…

 _oh god, he’s so embarrassed._

he watches jaehyun think about his words for a moment, sees the moment it clicks and—“ah…well we should report that, shouldn’t we?”

…  
…

huh?

“I…”— _thought you were gonna laugh at me because I’m gay_ —“yea b-but, freedom of speech jung, I can’t just try to get him punished for making gay jokes.”

jaehyun snorts, “depends on what kind of gay jokes. that “dating” sounded kinda iffy, and that “dating” could be considered sexual harassment if you ask me.”

youngho bites his lip, the gravity of his words easy in the atmosphere. “but…b-but do you really think they’d take me seriously?”

jae pauses. he doesn’t want to go deep into politics, doesn’t wanna discuss the things he _knows_ are basic human rights—blah blah—so he gives it the benefit of the doubt, and disregards any bad outcomes, just states the facts.

“well yeah.” he says softly, leaning back into the cushioned seat, then his finally sips from his drink. “you’re a great student….an amazing, really smart person. matter of fact, you’re very credible.”

oh.

“o-oh.”

“yeah...” he mumbles, “but anyways...I’ve been meaning to say this, and I don’t mean to be overbearing or anything but, just tell me when you’re troubled, alright? we’re close enough.”

another step closer to moving on!  
youngho nods, then gives a little laugh, “yeah, but you and taeyong are closer.”

eek…

“uh…now what’d you order again? I forgot. I gotta know so I can steal some.” jaehyun jokes, and he smiles a pleased smile when seo laughs—for the first time the entire night, he smiles and laughs…

ah…jaehyun hopes he falls in love with him.

it’d be better—for them both.

“no way, I’m starving!” seo stresses, “you’ll just have to see when it gets here—a-and if you take any, I’m stealing some of yours back.”

“uh,” jaehyun vocalizes, playful, “you’re probably gonna fill up on that margarita anyway, so—dibs on what you don’t finish, lightweight~”

“haha, very funny!”

///

taeyong huffs, pacing his room.

if he remembers correctly, jaehyun was hanging out with _him_ , then he went to “pee”—and taeyong was _so sure_ he was gonna come back, he planned a quick little prank, but—one, he ended up falling asleep and, two! _jaehyun never came back!_

and how does he know?

well, he got a call from seulgi who got a call from wendy who got a call from irene, talking about how _jaehyun_ was out on a date with johnny.

_with johnny!_

how could he do that!? 

after three years of crushing hard on mister single-by-choice, good _and_ bad boy jung jaehyun; he finds out that stupid, tall boy jung is going after their even taller friend!?

isn’t taeyong obvious with his love!?

literally _no one_ other than jaehyun can lay with him, can call him pretty and make him blush and—jesus, taeyong doesn’t even let other people hear the music he produces!

is he making a mistake, or is jaehyun just plain old _stupid_!?

…  
…

dumb question, he _is_ kinda dense.

he probably thinks taeyong doesn’t know he likes him, _still._

even though he makes it so obvious…

ugh…stupid, handsome, perfect jung jaehyun.

why did taeyong ever decide to play along!

 

after a moment, he hears keys and the door and jumps up out of his bed, speeding to the living room in his fluffy sleeping shoes and throwing himself into the couh—because he needs proof! 

proof for love.

there were only two things that could happen, two things that’d be his proof, and it’s _crucial_ to his feelings about jaehyun.

 _one_ , him and johnny could walk in hand in hand, which would break taeyong’s heart into a bajillion pieces—or two, they walk in separated, which would give him the confidence he needs for saturday—but when he says separated, he means there should be a space big enough for _him_ to stand in.

he hears the door open and immerses himself in the drama playing on tv just for looks—but when he hears giggles and the scuffing of shoes against the floor, he can’t help but look back.

_ah…_

jaehyun’s holding youngho by his waist…youngho is all over him.

but…youngho looks drunk, really, really drunk.

so he doesn’t have either—because this doesn’t count.

…

is it bad to start hating someone even though you _know_ they’re not doing what you _think_ they’re doing? he hopes not—yet he stills feel guilt bubble up and build as he glared at youngho’s grabby hands, touching jae and holding onto him.

he sighs, silently watching jaehyun heave the eldest of them onto his back and…

that’s not fair. he wants jaehyun to carry him too…he wants to go out for dinner, he wants to have fun!

he wants to be jaehyun’s…

but as he carries johnny to _his_ room, talking about their previous outing the day before, holding on to the back of seo’s thighs with a nice looking grip; he thinks, quite frankly, it maybe never happen.

and then he hears kissing, hears a compliment or two from jae’s room—and it moves to youngho’s, “I’m drunk!” and a “doesn’t matter.” follws after, giggles too—and he feels his hope die even more.

ugh.

maybe he _shouldn’t_ confess on saturday. 

///

friday arrives quickly.

jaehyun takes a big, big break from doing _anything_ related to taeyong or youngho.

because… _maybe_ jaehyun has a less than appropriate dream about yong, who hasn’t spoken to him in a _week_ , and maybe he has a tiny meltdown when mr. l asks if he knows that his, “second man-wife”, is fooling around with the thai guy majoring in art and journalism and—maybe he concludes that, no matter what, he couldn’t move on, because all he ever thought about was life— _life with taeyong._

and it’s not like he’s giving up! no, not at all! but even if he tried, the only person he’d ever consider is busy getting dicked by some incredibly handsome foreigner, probably falling in love.

but whatever, it’s not that important.

what’s important is that the party is tomorrow, and he was going to try and drink his problems away.

…

maybe next year he’d have the chance to confess—because, well, you never know! maybe the perfect couple will call it quits and he’ll have a chance to work his way into his pretty hyung’s heart…

like he’s fantasized for the past two years.  
.  
.  
.  
and maybe he shouldn’t think that—because maybe he’d let a few horrible words slip to the two biggest people in his life right now—one was mortified, shy of their near compromised period of bonding, the other indifferent and angry.

when he gets to the house, he’s greeted by no one.

///

the party starts at noon, five really, and jaehyun doesn’t waste a damn _second._

first some soju, then some tequila—then vodka and sprite. he takes a quick break to take a piss and flush his system with water—then he’s back at it again; chugging beer so fast his eyes go starry.

the music blasts loudly, the house is jam packed with people and—and jaehyun can barely stand up straight.

“hey, h-hey.” he slurs, stumbling over to some chick in a jumper, she jumps a little, then warms up to his presence when she sees his face—damn shallow people, always so freaking shallow—“could’ya get me a b-beer?” he asks, smirking a little. 

she swoons, he rolls his eyes.

“I’ll be right back with it!” she squeaks out, jogging in the direction of the kitchen. he hums in acknowledgement, though sloppily and late, and waits until she reappears.

when she does, she’s boasting some cleavage, and her thin material pants is tightly stuck up her ass—it makes him cringe.

she offers the cup with a bashful smile, batting her lashes and puckering her lips, and he goes to accept—thinking, maybe he’ll get over yong with a girl?

but, just as his fingers reach the cup, it’s snatched away—and it immediately makes him upset.

“what the _fuck_.” he hisses, angry.

who dare interfere with his binge-drinking? WHO IS TRYING TO MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T GET OVER TAEYONG!?

he squints, following the thin hand all the way to its owner.

and it’s…

_taeyong._

taeyong…who’s hair is pushed back, eyes are smoky, and his lips are cherry red. he’s dressed in a black, slightly see through blouse and blue jeans and thick shoes—

jaehyun feels his heart flutter.

“hey jae.” he says, voice sweet. his every word is like music to jaehyun’s ears, really. he takes a little sip, doesn’t even cringe, like his giant concoction of drink isn’t maybe lethal—and smiles.

...he gulps.

“h-hey yong hyung.” he stutters, mesmerized.

the girl makes a disappointed sound, then skitters away. huh…

“what’ve you been up to lately?” the smaller questions, now skipping away to the living room, and jae finds himself following behind, like a lost puppy following the scent of food—tantalizing, sweet tasting food named taeyong…

blossom coloured hair bounces even in its form as the elder gently sits in the loveseat—far from jaehyun, who plops down in the six-seater. 

“whaddya mean?” he slurs, curious. him and yong are so close they’re almost inseparable, there’s no reason taeyong _shouldn’t_ know…and yet he asks this?

“ah…nothing.” taeyong mumbles, lips slanting, “but can we…can we talk for a little? just the two of us?”

jae grumbles in agreement, but still ponders on the smaller man’s words.

what does he _mean_?

and then youngho stumbles over to the couches, face red, and gives a squeaky sound of surprise when he sees them—“ah! yonggie.” he calls, grinning. “h-how,” he hiccups, “how are you?” 

ah…this is why?

there’s a wobble in youngho’s steps, he keeps laughing and stumbling and jaehyun _knows_ he’s drunk, everyone knows he drunk—shitfaced obviously, because one minute he’s giggling and jumping a little each word as his favourite song starts—and the next, he trips up over his foot and tumbles forward, landing right on jaehyun.

like a damn movie, right into his arms…

however, from the loveseat, taeyong watched closely, scrutinizing—and when the tall boy doesn’t make a move to get up, rather cuddles closer and greets jaehyun—“hey jung~”—he frowns.

and then his heart kind of…drops.

because jaehyun is looking at youngho with these… _hearts_ in his eyes—and then youngho is sitting up and occupying the space in his lap (where taeyong thinks he deserves to be instead) and stares back and being the shameless (dare he say it) slut he always becomes when he’s drunk; pushing down into the very middle of the lap he sat in and—

taeyong’s gotta step up his game! he needs to do something before it’s—

too late…

he doesn’t even see it coming—I mean, he should’ve! but he literally _gasps_ when jaehyun just fucking… _manhandles_ youngho into a kiss, and youngho doesn’t even fight it; just melts into it, like he’s been waiting for it…like they’ve done it before.

it makes his heart hurt.

taeyong sighs, then downs the rest of the cup—let him give them the benefit of the doubt! be optimistic! they’re drunk, taeyong— _THEY’RE JUST DRUNK, TAEYONG! JUST DRUNK! ___

__but then it keeps going, and he sees tongue and—youngho makes a sound, dirty enough to get a “whoop!” from someone in the crowd, and jaehyun is holding his waist and—what the fuck._ _

__what the…literal fuck._ _

__…_ _

__he gets up and turns away, trying not to let it get to him—yet he still looks, still watches, still sees that they’re so into it; that there was chemistry, sexual tension, and the imagery of it doesn’t seem bad either—_ _

__jaehyun suddenly stops, and seo looks super out of it, (he was too into it anyways, if you ask taeyong) staring at jaehyun’s lips and—then he’s giggling._ _

__“how many drinks did you have? I had like…f-fifteen.” jaehyun laughs, disregarding the damage to his liver with a charming chuckle._ _

__“h-hmm? ah…four.” youngho replies, sliding off of the younger man slowly, horribly slow, but then with a pep in his step and—he pulls at jae’s arm, tries to get him up because—“but that doesn't matter. let go d-dance!”_ _

__jaehyun gives a happy sound at his words, eyes flickering up and down over youngho’s body, and lets himself be dragged up and away, ready to get his hands on seo again, but—but then he looks back at taeyong._ _

__and for once…he looks sad.  
///_ _

__they danced for what felt like hours—jaehyun’s never grinded on someone for so long and, if he was back in high school, he’s pretty sure he would’ve creamed his pants like sixty times for the amount of times seo’s ass actually rubbed his crotch and, god, he would’ve done it sixty more times because youngho let him grab it too and—_ _

__he didn’t, thankfully._ _

__it’s 12am, and the party’s still going—even though there was nothing but music playing, and booze being passed around; it’s still going hard._ _

__but this! this is crazy!_ _

__they’re all in their 20s for christ’s sake—yet here they are, playing seven minutes in heaven, truth or dare and spin the bottle._ _

__some girl named wendy is in charge of choosing the people, and this is her tenth time even and—jaehyun has been lucky enough to avoid being chosen, and he’s happily dancing with seo; who is anything but sobering up and all but begging for sex—_ _

__someone calls them over, for the sake of “seeing those two kiss again!”, and youngho excitedly complies—he never knew resident cutie was such a shameless drunk—dragging jae over happily. said man drunkenly lets himself be dragged for the second time, then yanks his shirt off and chucks it at some random dude because, god! he’s hot and tired and drunk—_ _

__and now they’re sitting in the circle, playing along—cheering as people disappear into the nearest room, cheering when they hears moans or yelling._ _

__a few couples are sent into rooms—and those rooms prove themselves to be occupied for the rest of the party—but other than that, youngho and him are stuck making out in the circle, taking the attention away from the game as it got heated._ _

__and then they stop, because someone calls one of them a nasty bitch—which makes jaehyun laugh—but youngho pulls away._ _

__“jung~” he whispers cutely, “I-I gotta pee, so tell me w-what happened when I’m back!”_ _

__and then he’s waddling away, laughing and tiptoeing innocently as if he didn’t just throw himself at jaehyun for half the night._ _

___welp…_ _ _

__jaehyun hiccups.  
a beat or two passes, two girls get sent into a closet and they’re already all over each other—one of them kinda looks like seulgi, but maybe he’s really drunk…_ _

__then another few beats pass._ _

__and he becomes bored._ _

__…then small, pretty hands snake onto his skin, flat against his abdomen and back respectively—fingers drum at the spaces between each muscle, and it makes him wonder when he last worked out—but it doesn’t much matter._ _

__“jae baby…can we t-talk now?”_ _

__oh…it’s taeyong._ _

__he agrees gently—“o’course.”—because maybe taeyong is gonna try and tell him seo’s getting drilled by thai-guy-ten, but it doesn't really matter because jaehyun might just confess tonight._ _

__as soon as he stands up, however, wendy is screeching his name and—“jung and taeyong! get in there boys, mama wants to see some ACTION!”—she pushes them both, makes their legs tangle and forces them into the room; then locks the door._ _

__when the fuck did doors start locking on the outside?_ _

__…jaehyun doesn’t give it another thought._ _

__after a moment, he realizes they’re in taeyong’s room—because the posters and blah blah and—but the sheets are red this time, a solid colour like youngho’s._ _

__yea…the room is…less taeyong than he remembers._ _

__quite frankly, _taeyong_ is less taeyong than he remembers—what with his extravagant and…sexy makeover; he was barely the soft boy he knew…the soft boy he loved._ _

__“what’s with the…t-the look?” he slurs out, gesturing in the elder’s general direction. he gets an almost immediate answer._ _

__“to be truthful…” taeyong starts, and jaehyun (despite his overall intoxication) notices that taeyong’s face is red, and he’s a little tipsy._ _

__ah…seems both of them needed that good old liquid confidence—even if jaehyun already knows about what he assumes yong’s so scared to tell him about._ _

__“to be truthful, I wanted to impress you.” taeyong finally says, “I wanted you to look at me…like you look at johnny—exactly the same. I wanted you to look at me like I was your world again.”_ _

__then he sits on his bed, looking down at his feet shyly._ _

__“and,” he starts, “it’s because I was jealous. I like…took you for g-granted.“_ _

__jaehyun cuts him off with a groan. he’s too drunk to comprehend this, he literally doesn’t even know what taeyong’s talking about—“hyung,” he drawls out, “hyung listen.” he starts._ _

__“I like you. I really like you.” his words are sincere, very, and taeyong seems to smile at them._ _

__“I know.”_ _

__jae leans against the closed door, scrubbing his face—“no you don’t.” he stresses, “because ‘like’ isn’t strong enough to describe what I feel. I love you, I love you a lot. I j-just…but you’re dating seulgi and…I didn't—I don’t want to fuck that up.”_ _

__“so you—so you fuck johnny?” yong replies, sounding conflicted—“you assume I’m dating someone, so you disregard your feelings, don’t even ask me how _I_ feel and—and you go hook up with our _friend_? what—how does _he_ feel about that, huh? everyone knows you’ve liked me, and you go and, and lead him on?”_ _

__damn, he sounds so angry—but jaehyun just gives a soft laugh. they didn't even get past a fourth date, how could they ever get to that point so quickly?_ _

__“we didn’t have sex.” he says, “we went out a couple times, made out a couple times, but we never had sex.” and then he snorts, in offense. “and it’s not like you haven’t sexed seulgi up anyways, don't sound so mad.”_ _

__the grimace and gag taeyong gives is unexpected—quite frankly, jaehyun gapes in response. he would _never_ say ew to his lover!_ _

__but then taeyong giggles—“I’m gay!” and the words make him snort, “and she’s my cousin!” but that makes him gasp, and before jaehyun can protest, or even show disbelief, taeyong begins to yell—  
“SHE’S A LESBIAN, YOONOH! _AND SHE’S DATING IRENE!_ ” _ _

__he screeches a laugh out, “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?! and it’s not like I was the only one either!”_ _

__taeyong cocks a brow, “really? now you’re lying! who else?” and that makes jaehyun laugh again and again. “oh, you know! THE ENTIRE CAMPUS!”_ _

__taeyong gives a shocked look, his laughter ceasing—“y-you…” he stumbles, “the whole..? what the fuck?”_ _

__“yea,” jae says, standing up, “like—like _look_.” he says, pointing at the cat and seulgi picture hung up on the wall—“this is like, hella couple-ish!”_ _

__taeyong makes a sound of disgust again, “I’ll have to get rid of it then..I just wanted the cat!” he exclaims, and it only causes another bout of laughter…_ _

__then it becomes quiet._ _

__music from outside is heard, people chattering is heard…and they become silent._ _

__then he approaches jae, expression simple and content—“but that doesn’t matter.” he says, sounding tipsy again._ _

__“because I like you too.”_ _

__jaehyun feels his heart swell—ah, he’s so in love it’s making him redden._ _

__“I _love_ you too..” he corrects._ _

__“you’re my…favourite, remember?”_ _

__or maybe taeyong’s getting too close?_ _

__“because I love you..”_ _

__yea…maybe both._ _

__taeyong rises to the tip of his toes, smiling, then leans forward and—_ _

__this is a dream, right?_ _

__“no lover boy, it's real.”_ _

__oh._ _

__“oh.”_ _

__oh._ _

__when he tries to pull away, jaehyun wraps both of his arms around his waist; doesn’t give him a moment to recover from his own little peck, and kisses him again._ _

__with all his strength, all his love and lust and care of two whole years; he kisses taeyong, his stupid, stupid boy crush—and you must be dumb if you think he doesn’t pick taeyong up, let those pretty legs wrap around his waist and deepen the kiss as much as his pretty hyung lets him._ _

___he kisses and kisses him, lets their tongues slides past each other and touch, swapping spit out of pure built up affection, again and again._  
for forever, they just…kiss.  
.  
.  
. 

__and then the door busts open, and some tan dude with a handsome face drunkenly stumbles in and—“oh shit.” he mumbles, “you’re the one j-johnny baby was flirting with, right?”_ _

__jaehyun pulls his face away from taeyong’s, kinda red, kinda angry—but then he nods, sheepish and urgent to get the guy to leave._ _

__“oh. well heyyy~ nice to meet ya. g-great party.”_ _

__he makes a face, lets yong slide down from him and awkwardly walk away.._ _

__“thanks.”_ _

__///_ _

__

__somehow, after ten had barged in, after they made out for a couple more minutes, confessed over and over until 2am; they fell asleep._ _

__and, somehow, at 4am, the house is cleared of party goers; and taeyong wakes him up._ _

__after sleeping for less than two hours, cuddled together and tired…taeyong wakes him up._ _

__he drags them out of the room, makeup all smudged and outfit messed up and, his pants are missing—and jaehyun’s shirt is still missing and—they didn't go that far, right?_ _

__they end up in the kitchen._ _

__jaehyun tiredly finds his way into a chair, mouth sewn shut from tiredness, and barely opens his eyes the entire time he’s there._ _

__minutes crawl by slowly, the sound of birds chirping and a utensil clanging fills the room and—his face is touched, affectionately._ _

__he cracks open an eye, peeps a bowl of cereal, and immediately wakes up._ _

__his stomach rumbles, and he grabs a spoon and digs in; shoveling what he realizes is fruit loops into his mouth without a thought._ _

___when he looks up from the colourful bowl, taeyong is staring at him; chewing as well._  
…  
…  
… 

__“what.” he mumbles out, and it barely sounds like a question, but he tiredly raises an eyebrow to complete the effect._ _

__taeyong only gives a tiny smile._ _

__“I dunno…we’re different now.”_ _

__he shrugs, “what's that mean?”_ _

__“hmm…dunno.”_ _

__they eat, peacefully, tired but content—_ _

__“y’sure?” he asks, grinning even with milk evident on his lips._ _

__cotton candy hair, pretty face, everything perfect, practically made to fit with jaehyun—“really, it’s nothing,” he mutters, an angel in real life; “I just wanted a reason to be with you, is all.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> this SUCKED [cowboy emoji]
> 
> edit: why are there so many typos wtf


End file.
